As busy as my little life has seemed this past little while, I can't help but reflect often on where I was just one year ago. I remember a year ago this past week, Brooklyn had just finally begun eating normally again. She had a 2 week sickness with 2 trips to the Emergency clinic....with me desperate for help. She had an ear infection, a cold mixed with the flu which caused her to constantly throw up so trying to get her the antibiotics for her ear was so difficult cause she'd just throw it up again. I seem to vividly remember the night she woke up and touched my face (she was in bed with us) and said "eggs". It was almost 1 am and I rushed her downstairs and cooked up some scrambled eggs. She literally went a whole day on practically nothing and I was desperate to get anything into her. She was borderline dehydrated and her sickness consumed our little family for those couple weeks. She was finally better. I remember we had my Dad out for a visit once she was on the mend. He was so sad that she was sick and could tell she wasn't her energetic self. I remember I planned to make BBQ'd salmon for supper cause he loved it so much (but the BBQ was out of propane and Kendall was late getting home....and frankly the only reason my Dad loved salmon this way was cause Kendall cooked it so well on the BBQ) so I remember feeling a little bad for my Dad that I'd be the one cooking that night but I knew I'd need to just cook it in the oven so it was ready for 6:30 when dinner was planned. Kendall got home just in time. I remember how impressed my Dad was with the prayer Ava gave that night. I don't even remember what she said or what was so impressive about it, but I'll never forget how he just watched her with a smile and shook his head after the prayer....and told her she was getting so big and "that was a great prayer". I remember later the next week talking with my Dad (partially scolding him (lovingly of course :) for not returning my phone call and causing me to worry). The very next day I remember talking with Chad, and him telling me he was going to drive the 45 min. drive to Dad's place just to go shovel snow off Dad's walks. I remember feeling guilty that I wasn't eager to go but thankful that Chad was making the trip. "Suck up"...is really what I thought!! I remember the 2 days that followed, reassuring Tanis that Dad would return her call, and leaving messages for him myself. Jessica's baby blessing was planned for that Sunday. I remember Saturday night, getting ingredients ready to make pineapple cheese jello for the family dinner the next day. Still no call back from Dad after trying the last 2 days and I remember just being worried. But this wasn't new. We always thought the worst and it drove Dad crazy to have us treat him like the child. I remember calling his work, knowing that he'd be showing up for his shift at 10pm and telling them that when he got there, please have him call his daughter Jewel. I hung up and told Kendall "Oh boy, he's gonna love that. His co- workers telling him to call his daughter!" I had to run to Wal-Mart to get string. I wanted to make matching beaded bracelets for Jessica and Abby and the other girl cousins. I was back home by 10:05 and after my call into Dad at work, Chad recieved a call from them, saying he hadn't shown up for his shift last night! Chad and Kendall were making plans to drive to Dad's place. I will never forget the fear I felt. I will always be thankful that Chad insisted that I stay home instead of having Kendall stay as I wanted so bad. That 45 min. drive was the hardest ever. I paced my house, thinking of every possible explanation. I will never forget that phone call. I will never forget then having to call my sisters. I won't forget the comfort I later received that night as Kendall called her and requested his sister come be with me until he returned at 3am..... she is a sweet sister in law, (who recently herself went through the shock and loss of losing her loved one!). I will cherish that next morning, as we gathered together on the girls queen size bed, and broke the news. My dad had a sudden heart attack and had passed away.
There are many things I will never forget, lots which are too personal to share on this silly blog.... but what I feel most of all at this time, is huge love and gratitude to my Dad....for the sacrifices he made through his life, and especially for us, his children. I know we were his life!
I love Chad. I love the way he honored our Father at his funeral. Sometimes I go on his blog and read his talk he gave....just cause he put to words what my heart feels for my Father. We really do owe our physical and spiritual safety to our Dad!!! I have a pretty silly relationship with my brother, where we tease each other a lot....but I know....there is a reason he was born before me. We needed someone older (even if just one year) to step up.... and take charge now. He has many characteristics of our Father and I'm not going to go into them all (probably much to his dismay) but I'll suffice it to say that Chad, I am proud of you for the way you have helped us not just this past year....but throughout our lives. You are a great big brother....and I do look up to you. Thank you for going to Dad's that last time. Oh how it haunts me to think of what if......! I knew I wouldn't have gone that night...and well, he didn't call me...he called YOU....and I'll always be thankful that you made that sacrifice to go and help him when he needed it! I know I can always count on you and that means a lot!
I love Tanis. Growing up, she was ALWAYS told where ever we went "You look so much like your mom" or "You remind me so much of Ellen". Honestly, if I were given a nickle for every time I heard that, I'd have no mortgage today.... I'm sure of it!!!!!!!!! And you know what... they were all right. She does have a lot of our Mom in her. She's always doing things for other people. She's a fun mom with her kids. She tires me just hearing her little ventures they go on. Seriously, once I even suggested for fun, they just sit and watch a movie! She'll pack them all up and go to Waterton by herself....just to "get out and do something exciting". Hmmmm...the thought of me driving there and back BY MYSELF with my kids as young as they are..? (and have you met Sam? He's one busy little man! We all love him to death, but honestly, Tanis works harder with him than I have had to with 3 of my little girls and I HONESTLY don't mean that in a mean way... I'm simply saying...before I had Dane, Tanis and I both had 3 kids and I'd look at her and think....you work WAY harder than I do...and we both have 3 kids. Well, now I have a boy and I'm sure I too will come to understand that boy play is a little rougher and crazier and wilder than girly play can sometimes be! Not always I'm sure... but sometimes!). Brooklyn is well on her way to proving me wrong though! Anyway, bottom line, she is like my mom! And I love her tons. She has helped me so many times and especially lately. Thank goodness we moved here together!!!! She's so darn thoughtful. Who else but a sister could be so thoughtful bring me a large blizzard on a bad day instead of going to work out together!!!! (by the way, I WAY rather a treat than running!! Just so you know!) Thanks Tan!!
I love Crystal! I used to always be jealous that she and Chad were best buds growing up. And she was always immune to any punishment cause "she has the smallest hands". Dad used this excuse ALL the time and would even hold up her arm and say "Look how small these hands are". Well, look how those hands have grown yet still, they are the smallest hands in our family!!! I love who she has become. This girl who I'd think would never stop travelling around on these quests to save the environment! She travelled lots and is incredibly smart and I truly saw a passion in her for what she was doing....yet, today, I've seen her completely set it all aside, as she's developing her new passion of being a wife and a mother. She is so tender to her little boy. She strives to give him the best of everything. I can't help but think, I'm sure that's what Mom did for her when she was a baby. My heart aches for Crystal. She was only 4 when our Mom died. I hardly remember things, and I know it's even harder for Crystal. Yet this I do know....Mom knew she had cancer after Crystal was born and likely even knew what her fate would be...and I know she cherished every moment she had with her little baby! I know she spent whatever spare time she had, cuddling this little girl. I know this, cause even today, I hold my little baby and often let my bigger kids entertain themselves so I can soak in the little time I have with just him! I can't imagine what it would feel like, to know that he may grow up not remembering much about our time together. So that's probably why Dad coddled Crystal so much. She was the little one. The one with the smallest hands, who would need a little extra lovin! Crystal was the last one to move away from home and as such, she and Dad had a relationship that was much different than I ever had. They were good friends and the two of them looked out for each other!!!! I love you Crystal....and I hope you know that even though you are the baby of our family...I still look up to you. You have helped me in so many ways. Ways I can't even begin to repay you for! You're always willing to sacrifice whatever you have for us! I remember Crystal having an interview for a job she really wanted...and calling me after her interview and saying.... "Jewel, I really think you should do this job". Who does that? She is a fantastic mother and I believe those innate mothering feelings and characteristics she has are a result of what was passed to her by our mother!
Of course I love my own family. A wonderful husband, 3 precious girls and a very sweet and darling little boy. Who could ask for more?
And we equally love Heather and John and Jeremy who have been such awesome and necessary additions to our family!! You have done so much and have loved Dad like we have. We love you guys. Thanks for all you do!
So here's something I put together....hopefully for the kids to enjoy too. But mostly for Chad, Tanis and Crystal....this post is entirly for each of you! Know that I love you so much and hope that we will always be able to be worthy of the legacy our parents have left us!
(You'll have to turn up the volume on the second song. It's a totally different song and starts out so soft but gradually gets louder. I can still picture you playing that song today John!!! And I appologize for having a lot of my own family's photos but I had to work with what I had on my computer already. I know you all have some pretty priceless photos that would have made this little clip a lot better!!!)
I KNOW that Families can be Together Forever. That was the plan before we even came to earth and that is still God's plan for us, his children. It is truly a Plan of Happiness!
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